Celebrate Awkward

Second period just ended, and I’m lugging my massive backpack to my third period classroom. I hear a group of boys coming down the stairs, the clomp of their large feet echoing through the stairwell. “It’s because she’s awkward” one of them says. Then he sees me, and blushes. There isn’t a doubt in my mind who he was talking about. I lower my chin and scuttle off to class.

If your high school experience was anything like mine, awkwardness was both terrifying and repulsive. Saying something weird? Getting flustered? Misreading someone’s cues? Nothing could be more shameful.

I see things differently now. The entire idea that we can translate our inner experience into words that someone else will understand is really a tall order. Add-in the fact that we all come from different backgrounds and cultures, that we’re constantly processing information about our bodies and our environment - and it’s amazing we’re able to converse at all.

Awkwardness is a sign you’re taking a risk.

“Awkward” moments are when, for a short (or long) period of time, we don’t know what to do. It’s the comment that could be a joke, but maybe not? The eye contact that’s held just slightly too long. The paper that drops from our shaking hand as we give a speech.

Can you imagine a world without awkwardness? Everything would be smooth, contained. There wouldn’t be any surprises or mysteries. It would be like Siri running the world - efficient maybe, but flat and soulless.

I think there is tremendous beauty in the gap between what we want to express, and what we’re actually able to communicate. In the unexpected moments that wake us up. In our desire to connect with others authentically, even when so much stands in our way.

Awkwardness is a sign that you are a complex human being taking a risk. It means that you are fully alive, not repeating patterns that are stable but monotonous.

So I hope you have a lot of strange, imperfect, challenging moments of connection this month - and that when you do, you celebrate.